Reblog this if you want a LONG anonymous message saying what they think of you.
I MUST TELL THE WORLD!!
shout out to people who are scared to call others out, whose hands shake when they try to explain what’s wrong, whose throats threaten to close up with thoughts of ‘what if i’m just overreacting’, whose hearts are pounding out of their chests because they just stuck their necks out for their beliefs, who have lost friends and respect and safety for aligning themselves with causes
All to Thee my Blessed Savior
I surrender all
This song used to be one of my favorites. Now it just reminds me that I am not in that place right now. I should be, but I’m not. Because last time I was fully surrendered, my support system came crashing down in a cloud of scandal and disappointment. I’m afraid to go back to that place because I was so badly hurt.
I know I shouldn’t let that stop me. I know that I should fully trust God because it wasn’t Him who let me down, it was man. I know that God has been the one blessing me with so much lately. So why can’t I just give everything to Him? It doesn’t belong to me to begin with.
My Abba has brought me through all of that. But I still hurt. My heavenly Father kept me out of situations no young girl should ever have to deal with. Instead it was my friend who had to go through it. Yet still I cannot drop it all and run into the Arms that have kept me from harm.
Maybe it is because all those who have disappointed me and let me down in the past five years have all been “Christians.” People in leadership positions letting their own feelings get in the way of what any moral person would do. People I looked up to. People I thought I was close to. People I trusted. People I have known my entire life.
I am hurting.
Time and again I have put their comeuppance in God’s hands. I have prayed for them. More recently, I have hurt for them. And still, my heart aches for what happened. Still, I am socially insecure. Still, I cannot get out of this pit I was thrown into.
Maybe it’s a slow process.
But isn’t five years enough?